Hacking My Life Away

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I'm still all croupy with a lingering cough and a noisy late night wheezing that keeps me from sleeping. Something has settled deep in the lower bronchial nodes and it's playing havoc down there. There must be some process that allows for vacuuming out the lungs. A sort of colonic for the respiratory system. Maybe I should patent it myself and sell it on the back pages of comic books. The Lunger-Out. It would basically be a Handi-Vac and you'd wrap your lips around the suction hole, begin to exhale, and then switch the contraption on — full blast. Sure, there will be the occasional incidents of prolapsed lungs, where one or both lungs are pulled from the body through the throat. That's why every Lunger-Out would be sold with the “prolapse inversion paddle,” a slim length of hypoallergenic wood — essentially it's an over-sized tongue depressor, and you just chase those rascally lung tissues back inward along the same lines of a Minuteman ramrodding wadding down the muzzle of a flintlock rifle. Every inventor must prepare himself to meet such unforeseen downsides head-on.

Actually, that's what I'm Jonesing for. A chance to turn my lungs inside out — like peeling off latex gloves — and then hose them down. I'm tired of hacking my life away. Maybe I should take up smoking again, then I'd have a reason for this affliction.


Earlier this evening I was over at Say Si for a production meeting. Sam Lerma has proposed four interconnected short promo pieces for the 2008 SAL film festival. Dar Miller (SAL creator) was there, along with me and Sam. And eventually Sam Bayless showed out.

For those who are aware of Sam Lerma's polished film work, there is a component in addition to his excellent shooting, writing, directing, and editing — that's the rock-solid sound edit. For several years I have heard the name Sam Bayless, but had never met him. I, of course, assumed he was, a.) really Lerma, working under a pseudonym, b.) really Lerma, but one of his Sybil-like split personalities, c.) a horribly disfigured reclusive savant that Lerma had met during one of the human interest stories from the years he's worked shooting news for KSAT, d.) a brilliant pre-teen who could never get permission from his parents to come out and meet the larger film community because of his nine-thirty curfew, or, e.) some gifted sound guy who just wasn't interested in hanging out with a bunch of jackasses who call themselves filmmakers.

Tonight I discovered that none of these are true. Well, I don't think so.

What I learned is that Sam Bayless is indeed real. He's a very pleasant, thoughtful young man. Add that to what we already know — that he's an excellent artist where audio and music is concerned (Sam Bayless is, to the best of my knowledge, the third Methane Sister).

Anyway, I finally got a chance to read the entire script for Sam's first SAL promo. It will be the most involved of the series. Loads of locations and characters … well, for a 90 second piece. But I like it. And I know Sam will do a great job. It should be hitting the viral video sites near you by early April.

I will, of course, keep you up to date,


Unfortunately, I never got around to make it to an early voting station. No problem, I'll head out Tuesday. I've nothing scheduled until the evening. Besides, I'm looking forward to visiting my neighborhood polling place Tuesday. It's going to be a huge turnout. Already, here in Bexar County, Texas, early primary voting records have been broken by a huge percentage.

I hope to see you out there Tuesday.


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