My impending move has been delayed. I gave some thought to the reasons I was leaving this place. The biggest problem is that it costs too much. That hasn't changed. But I realized that the place I was considering moving into wasn't really my choice. It fell into my lap. No — the truth is, it was pushed upon me. Alex needed someone stable and dependable to sublease to. I fit that need well enough. But what would I get from the move? Less rent. But if that's what I need, I really should look around, and make the decision about where my new home will be.
I told Alex I couldn't do it. He's a great guy. But I don't think I want him as a landlord (or whatever you call someone you sublease from). I told him that there was way too much going on in my life at the moment for me to make a move. That was true. But I'm still keeping me eye open for a cheaper place to live. In this neighborhood, or that area a bit to the south.
Rosemary, my landlady's property manager, came by yesterday. She pounded a For Rent sign in the yard. I explained that I wanted to remain for at least an additional month. Made no difference to her — she was good with it. She pulled up the sign, and headed back home.
There's this sense of rudderlessness in my life. Truly, it's nothing new. Ideally, I'd just crawl off to some other place, some other possibility. But I have a commitment to finishing a short film, as well as coordinating two film festivals between now and mid July.
I've looked into getting accredited to teach English abroad. It's not what it was for the expatriates of the past. Now it looks like you need credentials. I found a company that runs classes. Actually they work through one of the universities here in San Antonio. A thousand bucks. But it seems like there are other organizations which are significantly cheaper when it comes to gaining a certificate. I guess what it all boils down to, is which “schools” are best at placing their students. The whole thing sounds like such a racket. But there has to be an answer. Some way out of this pointless and empty cul-de-sac down which I've wandered.
It's a good city with so many wonderful people. But there's something missing. I'm trying to find reasons to stick around. Ramon has mentioned some possible funding for another documentary down in Mexico this autumn. If he can wrangle the finances, I'll gladly find a way to survive until then.
Wait and see what happens.